Your wife is not your God. You need not doubt, you need
not trust. It is a game -- don't make it so serious! But you have been
told to trust your wife, to trust your husband. And because of this very
teaching, distrust arises. In fact, you have been told to trust. For
centuries it has been known that it is very difficult to trust your own
wife, very difficult to trust your own husband; it is next to
impossible.
If your wife is interested in you,
how can you trust her? If she is still interested in men -- and you are
only a man, and there are many many men who are far more handsome --
how can you trust your wife? If she is interested in you she must be
interested in others too. She can be trusted only when she loses all
interest in you too; then, of course, you can trust her. She has lost
all interest in men -- she is almost dead.
You can trust your husband only if
he is no longer interested in your body. If he is interested in your
face, your body, your proportion, your beauty, how can he avoid being
interested in other women's bodies, other women's faces, other women's
beauty? It is impossible. You are asking something inhuman or something
superhuman. And your poor husband is neither -- neither inhuman nor
superhuman. He is just a poor husband, a poor human being... or a poor
wife.
Don't demand such impossible things.
It is natural; your wife is bound to fantasize about other men. It is
impossible for her to dream about you, remember. I have never heard of a
wife dreaming about her own husband. Who dreams about one's own husband
or one's own wife? For what? Is the day not enough? Do you have to
devote your night and your dreams also to the same woman, to the same
man?
In dreams you are free; that is the
only freedom left. In dreams you have a private world of your own. Your
wife cannot peep in your dreams and say, "What are you doing? Stop!" In
dreams you can have a few parties with the neighbors' wives. And nothing
is wrong in it, nobody is harmed. Just, you have a good sleep and in the
morning you have a smile on your face. Don't ask the impossible.
Mulla Nasruddin said,
"For the whole ten years of our married life I always trusted my wife.
And then we moved from Calcutta to Poona -- and I discovered we still
had the same milkman!"
There is no need to trust or not to trust your spouses, why bring in the question of trust? it is just a game! Play it joyfully. You make it too
serious. And when you start demanding, "Be faithful to me!" you are
creating a situation in which it will become impossible for the poor
woman to be faithful to you. Give her total freedom; then she may be
faithful to you.
Life functions in a very strange
way. If you give her total freedom you are WORTH trusting. A great faith
may arise in her. If a wife gives total freedom to the husband, that
shows she loves him so much that she would like him to be happy in every
possible way. Even if sometimes he is happy with some other woman she
will feel happy because he is happy. And then a totally different
quality of trust may arise. I am not saying that it is bound to arise --
it is not an inevitability. I am saying perhaps, because about human
beings nothing can be predicted.
The relationship between wife and
husband is a very strange relationship because these are two different
worlds. The woman functions in a different way, from a different center.
She is more intuitive and the man is more intellectual. That's why they
are attracted to each other. Not only physiologically they are
polarities, but psychologically also they are polar opposites. They are
intimate enemies. There is bound to be a little conflict, and that is
not bad; it keeps the relationship alive. Whenever you see that the
husband and wife have stopped fighting completely, that means the
marriage is really finished; nothing is left now. Even fight is not
left... all is finished.
The butcher and the milkman were
discussing the pros and cons of married life. "Do you really believe it
is better than being single?" demanded Kali, the butcher.
"In a way," said the milkman, who
was fond of philosophizing. "After all, if it were not for marriage, we
would have to do all our fighting with strangers."
Yes, that is true. It is good to
fight with your own wife; at least the fight is with the friend.
Otherwise you will have to do your fighting with strangers.
There is no need to demand these
things -- trust, faith. Live together joyously. Make as much out of your
being together as possible.
Rather than doing that, people create such
problems, useless problems, and destroy all their joys. The wife has no
obligation to be faithful to you, neither do you have any obligation to
be faithful to her. You love her, she loves you; that's enough. Don't
bring faith into it. If love cannot keep you together, nothing else can
keep you together. And if love cannot keep you together, then anything
that can keep you together is dangerous.
Source: from Osho Book “Dhammapada Volume 10”
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